


you don’t have to hide anymore

by Rawritsamehh



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009, Catboys, M/M, lots of pining, meet cute, they’re idiots but we love them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:01:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28197315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rawritsamehh/pseuds/Rawritsamehh
Summary: 2009 meet cute- but with catboys!
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 11
Kudos: 46
Collections: Phandom Holiday Gift Exchange 2020





	you don’t have to hide anymore

**Author's Note:**

  * For [phantasticphun](https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantasticphun/gifts).



> written for phantasticphun for the phandom gift exchange 2020. I hope this meets your “meet cute idiots” and “catboy dan” expectations! <3 
> 
> big thanks to bri for being an amazing beta :) 
> 
> alternative title: "what are ferris wheel person holders called, anyway"

More than anything, Phil wishes he weren’t so different. That he could just… fit in easily, effortlessly, like everyone else his age. 

He’s looking at himself in the mirror thinking,  _ what would life be like if I didn’t have to pretend and hide? _

Phil shakes it away and continues on with the same routine he goes through nearly every single day. 

_ Blow dry hair. Flat iron hair. Pin ears down. Hairspray. Flat iron again. Ruffle. Check pins. Touch up spots with flat iron. Ruffle again. Hairspray one last time. Wrap tail around waist. Wrap fabric bandage around waist to keep tail from moving or being noticeable. Pray to all possible gods that everything looks alright. _

It’s tedious, but it’s the life of a neko hybrid in 2009. 

Sure, not everyone is as careful. Many walk around in their day to day life proudly showing off their ears and maybe even their tail, if they’re feeling particularly brave. But, you can definitely see in the faces of those around that they aren’t exactly... _ accepted _ . Legally, neko hybrids are pretty equal to pure humans; they can have jobs, go to school and university, vote. It doesn’t really change the minds of those who are against them, though. It doesn’t make their lives any safer or easier. 

———

Dan pulls on his fuzzy hat and grumbles. His hair looks decent enough from yesterday’s straightening that it isn’t awful, really, but he can’t be bothered with pinning his ears down today. He’s tired, and sad, so his obnoxious fuzzy hat will do. Thankfully it’s October so he won’t seem too out of place. 

After going through the piles on his floor, Dan finds and dons his go-to hoodie: the one that’s just long enough and roomy enough to mask the bulk of his tail without having to bandage it down. He truly  _ cannot _ be bothered with it today. The hoodie probably smells a bit and needs a wash but...oh well. That’s future-Dan’s problem. 

He barely registers the  _ ding _ of the overhead bell when he walks through the doors. He doesn’t spend a lot of time here, typically he just grabs his usual and checks the fuck out; the usual assorted smells never fail to surprise him and hit like freight train. Today is no different. 

The scents of many types of food, treats, rodents, the artificial plastic of toys, everything– it’s overwhelming. Dan squeezes his eyes shut and tries to re-focus on his task.  _ Get in, go to the middle of aisle four, third shelf down, grab the round container with the white and pink label and the stupid orange cat… _

Except, as he approaches the aisle, he notices a guy standing in that exact spot, his hand holding the exact same container of daily feline vitamins that Dan needs. Dan stops in his tracks. 

———

Phil hasn’t been buying vitamins on his own for long– it’s something he would beg his mum to do until she began to ‘lovingly’ refuse over the past few months. Something about growing up and conquering your fears and being responsible and all that. 

He hates it. 

So Phil’s in the aisle, dumbly reading the colorful label of yet another container of vitamins, trying to figure out which are his usual ones. Calling his mum is an option...but he feels ashamed,; embarrassed even that he can’t remember what vitamins he takes every damn day. The same vitamins he’s taken everyday since he began puberty, many years ago. He’s twenty-two, for fucks sake. He’s an adult, doing a simple adult task that many adults do every single day. 

And yet Phil feels worthless. Like a fraud. Who let this child pretend to be an adult?

“Uh, excuse me…” a soft, tired voice breaks him out of his spiral. 

Phil lets out a little yelp and drops the plastic container. Before he can even think, the owner of the voice has already caught it;  _ wow, great reflexes, _ he muses. 

“Here, sorry for spooking you.” 

The voice– or rather, the body to the voice– makes Phil forget to breathe for a moment. It belongs to a tall, scrappy looking guy– a guy who appears to be around the same age as Phil. A guy who is really pretty but also seems like he’ll run if you look at him too closely. He notes the tired face underneath a fluffy hat; he has to resist the urge to nuzzle and purr into it. 

“Oh! Uh, thank you,” Phil starts, a bit awkwardly. “I was trying to figure out if these were the right vitamins for, uh, my cat! My cat, Striker.”

Phil tumbled over his words, but if the boy suspected anything– he didn’t show it. 

“Oh, that’s cool. I, uh, actually get the same ones for mine, too.” He shifts a little, not really making eye contact. 

“I’m Phil, by the way. What’s your cat's name?” 

“I’m Dan, my cat is...uh, Suki.” 

Phil smiles, and once the boy finally makes eye contact and smiles back, he knows he’s absolutely fucked. If he weren’t already well aware of his gayness it would probably be frightening. 

The boy– Dan– has rich dark eyes and an adorable dimple. Because  _ of course _ he does. Phil feels his insides melt into a puddle of goo. 

_ Wait, did I really just ask for his cat's name instead of his own? Oh...oops. _

“You don’t really sound like you’re from here, are you here for uni?” Phil asks casually. Or, what he  _ hopes _ is casual. He doesn’t really socialize much. 

“Yeah, first year. I’ve been here for a few months.” Dan’s smile grows, making his dimple sink in further. “Is my accent that much of a giveaway?” 

“You sound quite southern, yeah. But in a good way!”

Phil can feel the beginnings of blush creep onto his cheeks, but he doesn’t care. He notices a little patch turning pink on Dan’s jaw, and all he knows is that he wants to bite it. 

———

_ Oh fuck. He’s gorgeous. Fuck fuck fuck. I’m gross and haven’t showered and he’s fucking fit as fuck and smells fucking wonderful. _

Somehow, Dan manages to make decent conversation despite his mind short-circuiting. This guy he’s stumbled upon– Phil– is quite literally a walking wet dream. Perfectly messy dark hair, pale skin, black skinny jeans showcasing an amazing ass….yeah. Dan’s in love. 

“In a good way?” Dan counters, quirking up an eyebrow. 

“I mean- you just, uh, sound nice I guess.” Phil stammers. 

Phil is fiddling with the container in his hands and bouncing on his feet. He's clearly just as nervous as Dan is, which is oddly soothing. Dan adjusts his own fringe where it sits beneath his hat, and tries to focus on keeping his tail still and discreet; it tends to be quite expressive when he’s feeling certain emotions. He really regrets being lazy this morning, but he didn’t think he’d be experiencing  _ this _ while at the shops. 

“Oh, thanks. I’m used to people making fun of it to be honest,” Dan laughs. “I do sound shockingly similar to Winnie The Pooh, so, fair game.” 

Phil laughs and knocks his shoulder against Dan’s. “Only a little.”

“I’m guessing you are from around here, then?” Dan asks. 

“Yeah, just outside of the city actually. I moved back over the summer, a fresh graduate of York, adult responsibilities and all.” Phil smiles sheepishly and fiddles with his hair. “Actually, since you’re still kinda new here, I can show you around sometime if you want? Or like, hang out or whatever.”

_ Is he...is he flirting with me? Am I going crazy? There’s no way he’s flirting with me...not in the fucking pet shop when I haven’t showered in days and I’m buying my goddamn hybrid meds… _

“I’d like that, Phil.” Dan tries his best to not hesitate, or seem taken back, but he isn’t sure if it shows. 

———

**dan 11:14am** \-  _ Plug In Baby or Uprising?  _

**phil 11:15am** \-  _ ooooh tough 1 mate but Baby wins _

Phil is laid out on his bed, his tail lazily swishing about and his face glued to his phone. After trading numbers and parting ways, they began texting back and forth and haven’t stopped. It’s been a bit over a week now, and currently they’re knee deep into what’s quickly become a favorite game. 

**dan 11:15am** \- _ur dead 2 me_ _rat_

**dan 11:15am** \-  _ FFVII or FFVIII _

**phil 11:16am** \-  _ no competition FFVII or bust!!!! _

**dan 11:16am** \-  _ alright u redeemed yourself ;] _

**dan 11:16am** \-  _ this time _

They’ve thrown similar questions at each other, varying from deep and psychological like  _ afterlife or reincarnation? _ to silly and pointless like  _ crunchy nut or shreddies? _

Phil has been trying to think of ways to see Dan again. He isn’t exactly brave, but  _ fuck _ he’s really trying. It’s hard enough to be a hybrid and blend while in public– throwing dating in is...a whole other thing. 

Not that he’s sure Dan  _ wants _ to date him. Phil really hasn’t had much experience at all in the first place, it was easier to just stay to himself at Uni. The last thing he wanted was to hit it off with someone just to have them run away in disgust once they knew his secret. For all he knows, Dan might not be into him at all and just want to be mates. 

This feels different, though. Dan feels different. Different in a way that makes the fur along his ears stand up and his tail flicker. He’s never really felt like this before. 

**phil 11:18am** \-  _ coffee or tea _

**dan 11:18am** \-  _ do I lose my British rights if I say coffee... _

**phil 11:18am** \-  _ yes _

**phil 11:19am** \-  _ but also correct coffee is superior _

**dan 11:19am** \-  _ fuck yeah it is :] _

**phil 11:20am** \-  _ speaking of _

**phil 11:20am** \-  _ im thinking of going to my fav cafe for lunch today if you wanna hang _

**phil 11:20am** \-  _ they have the best coffee I swear :] _

**dan 11:22am** \- _count me in mate_ _I’m starving_

———

Dan plops onto the floor, his flat iron in hand. He’s determined to actually care about how he looks today. 

_ It’s not a date _ , he tells himself, but he can’t shake the butterflies in his stomach.  _ It’s just lunch. _

He’s carefully and thoroughly running the flat iron through his hair, making sure to get it just right– there is a specific method he follows that allows his ears to be well-hidden within. Pulling on his favorite jeans and a nice t-shirt, he looks at himself and the mirror and hums in approval. It’s been a long time since Dan’s put this much effort in his appearance but he’s trying not to think about why. 

It’s a quick walk to the cafe Phil sent him the address for. It's a quaint little thing with its cobbled exterior and faded paint and overgrown ivy, but he can’t say he isn’t charmed. The air is thick with the scent of coffee and pastries, which makes his stomach rumble. There’s a few people out enjoying the bit of sun at little wrought iron tables, he notices as he reaches the door. 

Dan spots Phil right away. He’s tucked into a sunny little corner with his laptop in front of him; Phil's so absorbed that he apparently didn’t notice the sounds of Dan approaching. 

He allows himself a moment to just watch. Dan’s eyes follow the delicate curvature of Phil’s shoulders and down his arms. His hair is perfectly tousled and just  _ begging _ for Dan to run his hands through. The red plaid he wears looks so soft and fits so fucking perfectly, Dan can feel his mouth water and the beginning of a purr in his throat. His tail twitches against its confinement. 

_ Get yourself under control, Howell! _

Taking a deep breath– which was a mistake, as now he's drowning in the scent of  _ Phil _ – he forces himself to start walking. 

———

Phil’s sat at a back table, engrossed in his current editing project. He arrived early, on purpose, in hopes of distracting himself. In theory, it was to help prevent him from overthinking and getting nervous– it didn’t help much, though. 

He’s tapping his fingers against his knee when he catches a particularly compelling scent and– oh. Dan’s there, almost to Phil’s table. They share eye contact for a brief moment before Dan breaks out into a dimpled grin, wrecking Phil immediately. 

“Hey! You made it!” Phil exclaimed, closing his laptop. 

“Yeah, I actually live nearby. I don’t know how I’ve missed this place before. Is it magic?” Dan smiles again. Phil’s heart leaps and he can feel his ears threatening to escape. 

“Ooooh, maybe. The lady who owns it  _ does _ seem a bit witchy…” Phil pretends to be lost in thought before breaking out into laughter. 

“Have you eaten yet?” Dan asks. He lays his jacket over the back of his chair and sits. 

“No, I was waiting on you. I had some work to do anyway so I had a pastry earlier.” 

Dan reaches for one of the menus tucked away into a little wooden stand. Phil tries not to focus on Dan’s massive hands...which results in him trailing his eyes up to stare at his face instead. Much to his excitement, the little red patch has returned. 

“What’s good here? What do you recommend to a pleb like me?” Dan asks. 

Phil startles, Dan laughs. “Sorry, I was zoned out for a moment there! Uh, my usual is the fish and chips, or the vegetable curry. They have a bunch of great pies too. I don’t branch out much but my brother tries something new every time he’s in town.” 

They share a moment of eye contact, and Phil wishes he could read Dan’s expressions. 

“Fish and chips sound perfect, actually.” Dan fidgets around with his fringe, a motion that seems all too familiar to Phil. 

———

Dan feels like he’s floating. 

Lunch was basically a success. He was able to keep his awkwardness to a minimum and Phil seemed to thoroughly enjoy his company. 

Now they’re walking around aimlessly, talking about nothing in particular. One of them will point out a pigeon, while the other creates an elaborate backstory. They make up gossip about the people they pass. Phil will tell an awful joke and Dan will laugh along because he can’t help but be enamored anyway. 

Occasionally their hands or shoulders brush and it sends sparks up Dan’s spine. 

There’s definitely something between them. Dan can feel it, and he’s fairly certain Phil can, too. He keeps catching Phil glancing over at him, blush colouring his cheeks before bashfully turning away. 

Phil is also becoming quite tactile. He’s nipped Dan’s shoulder a few times, and is partial to excited tippy taps of his fingers against Dan’s arm when something catches his attention. Dan is terrified of how much he loves it. 

It’s almost alarming how difficult it’s becoming to keep

his cat instincts at bay. He wants nothing more than to nuzzle into Phil’s neck and purr, to nip at his shoulders, to just….claim. Every part of him is just aching to make Phil  _ his _ . 

———

As the daylight begins to fade, Phil realizes just how much he doesn’t want this day to end. 

They had walked for hours, telling stories and playing silly games, and it's the best day he's had in a long time. He got to show Dan some of his favorite shops and spots and he’s gotten to know more about Dan; enough to know that he never wants to stop learning about Dan. 

Phil is wracking his brain, searching for reasons to keep today going. He wishes more than ever that he wasn’t currently living with his parents, that he would’ve already begun the process of getting his own place in the city. Procrastination is a bitch sometimes. 

So no, he can’t exactly invite Dan back to his place for some pizza and movies. Not without enough questions from his parents to send him running. 

Out of the corner of his eye he spots some flashing lights– and then he smiles, a plan falling into place just in time. 

“Hey, Dan?” Phil asks. They’ve been feeding some ducks quietly for the past few minutes while Phil was lost in thought. 

“Yeah?” Dan glances over. 

“I have a bit of a surprise for you. Do you trust me?”

Dan breaks into a grin. “Trust you? I mean, I suppose so. Should I not?” 

“Hey, I could be a cannibal! You never know!” Phil laughs. 

“Phil. You get nauseous at the sight of blood. You’d be a shit cannibal.” 

“I regret telling you that story, you know.” Phil pouts. 

They share a fond look. Phil notices how Dan’s eyes fall to his lips for a moment, and his heart starts to race. In a moment of bravery, he holds his hand out. 

“Come on, follow me.” 

———

They’re hand-in-hand, headed towards some undisclosed location. Dan is nervous, so fucking nervous, but the weight of Phil’s hand in his keeps him grounded. 

The sky around them is painted in pinks and purples. Logically he knows it’s the same sky he sees every single day, but somehow in this moment– with Phil– it feels brand new. Before Dan can spiral further, he stops and notices how the crowds have thickened around them. 

“So, where are we going? Do I get a hint?” Dan questions. 

Phil makes a thoughtful face. “Hmmm, it’s somewhere you’ve never been before.”

“Phil!” Dan shrieks. “I’ve never been to Manchester before, that doesn’t exactly narrow it down.” 

Giggles take over both of them, causing Phil to grab a hold of Dan’s arm in an attempt to not fall over. 

“You spoon.” Dan says, his voice dripping in fondness. 

Suddenly, Phil jolts upright and starts messing with his hair. Dan tilts his head a bit on question, but before he can say anything Phil is back to smiling at him and acting as aloof as ever.  _ How odd,  _ Dan thinks. 

When he pulls his face away and looks up, he can’t help but gasp. Ahead of them is the Manchester wheel in all its glory and flashing lights. 

“Are we…?” He hesitates. 

“Yeah, if that’s alright with you.” Phil answers, looking a bit shy. 

Dan’s smile widens and he can feel his damn dimple betray him. “Yeah, it’s perfect.” 

———

Boarding the pod, Phil’s nerves are on fire. He wants to just...reach out and touch. 

He settles with holding Dan’s hand. It’s not nearly enough but it’s a start. 

He sighs; he had just narrowly avoided disaster moments before. It’s sort of well known amongst hybrids that intense emotions affect their cat side, but it’s rarely happened to Phil like that. Not to where his ears nearly escape from their pins. Dan seemed to notice something was up but thankfully he didn’t ask. 

In a perfect world, he’d consider telling Dan. He supposes, from what he knows so far, that Dan would be pretty accepting but...that doesn’t mean he’d want to continue whatever it is that they seem to have. 

They’re sat side by side, shoulder to shoulder. Dan already released his hand so he could hold his phone up to photograph the view.  _ The view is pretty _ , Phil muses.  _ But he’s prettier.  _

Phil’s cheeks flush and he hopes it isn’t noticeable in the darkening light. 

Neither speak a word at first. He can feel Dan glancing over at him every so often, ever so slightly. More than ever, Phil wishes for bravery; bravery to close the distance and kiss him, bravery to admit to the feeling that’s growing rapidly in his chest, bravery to just….be wholly  _ Phil _ . 

Lost in thought, Phil doesn’t notice that Dan is staring at him now. He doesn’t see Dan’s arm raise until there's a hand beneath his chin. He allows the movement, turning to look at Dan, and–

Dan’s kissing him. It’s chaste, and gentle, but he’s actually kissing him. 

And then Dan’s pulling away, before Phil can even process what happened. 

“Come back.” Phil whispers, then pulls Dan back in. 

This kiss was deeper. Dan’s hands go play with the hair at his nape, while Phil’s rest on Dan’s cheeks, his thumb trailing along Dan’s cheekbones. 

They pull apart before it can dive into heated territory. Phil watches as Dan opens his eyes, then feels icy terror when Dan’s eyes go wide and his jaw drops. 

Phil reaches up and confirms his suspicion; his ears have popped free. They’re on full display, Dan is staring, and they’re stuck in a pod on a giant wheel together. 

Phil has never felt so terrified. 

———

He can’t believe what he’s seeing. He really, really can’t. 

Dan had just kissed Phil, in an act of bravery he never knew he possessed, so he must be hallucinating or something. He closes his eyes again and….no, they’re still there. 

Phil has ears. Cat ears. They’re dark, although lighter than his hair, and look so fucking soft Dan could cry. 

So he reaches out. Despite the fear and terror he can clearly see on Phil’s face, he reaches out to feel. 

_ Fuck _ . He feels them twitch beneath his hand, as he softly as pets. Looking back at Phil’s face and still seeing terror, he pulls back. 

“Sorry–I should’ve asked or something– “

“Oh god I’m sorry I didn’t really want to to find out–“ 

They both stop. Phil is on the brink of tears, so Dan pulls him into a hug. 

“Phil….god Phil it’s okay. I promise it’s okay.” 

He lets go, noticing that the pod is definitely descending now, and watches Phil’s face in wonder. 

“I’m–” Dan pauses.  _ Fuck it, _ he thinks, and he reaches up to let his own ears free. 

———

_ Dan isn’t disgusted! He isn’t freaking out or running or offended! _

Phil is stunned, honestly. This is his worst nightmare, literally playing out before him, and yet Dan is watching him– fuck, he even pet him!– like he’s something precious. 

Then, to his shock, Dan reaches up to his own hair and–

Oh.  _ OH _ . 

Dan is ruffling his hair as two dark brown ears pop through, giving Phil a sheepish smile. 

“Uh, surprise?” Dan laughs. 

Phil can’t help but pull him into another messy kiss, their teeth clacking as they smile. 

———

They exit the pod as they entered, hand in hand. Dan glances over at Phil, the sun nearly fully set behind him, and sees a grin on his face and the faint happy twitch of his ears. The same happy twitch he can feel from his own. 

Just then, Dan remembers something.

“Hey, Phil?”

“Yeah?”

“You don’t really have a pet cat, right?” 

“Oh…..oh! I forgot about that actually. But yeah, no. I don’t.” 

“Oh, good. Me either.” 

They both break out into laughter, until Dan pulls Phil in for another kiss.

“We’re idiots, you know that?” 

  
  



End file.
